I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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