Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
