maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
