If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Your dad touched me again.
false alarm. still invincible.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
