I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
