Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
