I need help removing her.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
