omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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