the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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