You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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