Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
