I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He? As in you personified your dick?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
And then he peed in my hair
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