Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
