if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
no you cant smoke seaweed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
