i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
