Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
