Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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