It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im drinking this country out of the recession.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize