um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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