Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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