I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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