why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
