I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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