What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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