Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
