I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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