Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
