Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
No subtext here. People are naked.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
