I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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