It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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