He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
