omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
