Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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