Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Randomize