Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
