so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
