The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just cropdusted the office
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
