We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
