Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
