I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
