your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
