Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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