you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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