if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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