We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
