my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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