So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
