Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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