I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Randomize
