I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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