nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize