Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
