No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
