its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
