Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize