Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
