TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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