I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
