so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
