She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
