I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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