He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
