We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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