She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
