i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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