all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
