Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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