we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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