I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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