went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
apparently the secret to your success is patron
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
