I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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