I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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