they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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