Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
