Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
