You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
