mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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