So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
