sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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