If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
