Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
