i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Randomize
