Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
