I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
