True but thats because hes a fetus.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize
