Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Text me some of your sweat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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