i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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