Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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