Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
