I got chris browned last night
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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