But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
