He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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