one two three fourrrrnication!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
