Your dad touched me again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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