Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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