Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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