Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
