i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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