Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
