I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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