My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
