she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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