ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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