I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
