I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
