Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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