I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
